I was given the privilege of taking care of seven adorable young children in the Family Camp conducted by our church in 2009. Upon returning from the camp, I woke up the next morning feeling physically exhausted, yet the very thought of spending time with them brought me great joy! I am constantly reminded of Psalm 113:9, which says, “He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.” I would like to share my experience with you on how God made me ‘a happy mother of children’.

About 20 years ago, a sister-in-Christ was facing a similar problem of barrenness after years of marriage like me. However, she shared with me this verse from Psalm 113:9. I did not understand the meaning of this verse then – I had no child, how could I be a joyful mother of children? Was she referring to my babysitting for the children of my relatives or friends? Those were joyous moments, but they were temporary and did not bring long-lasting joy for me. Perhaps I could work in a childcare center and take care of children for other parents, but to me, that did not constitute unspeakable joy because those children were not my own. My constant prayer was, “Dear Lord, why not bless us with a heritage that belongs to us forever, a child of my own whom I can love and care for?” At that time I could not understand God’s will for me; I was not a biological mother, how could I have been a joyful mother?

Shortly after the Nursery Ministry was established in the church, a sister invited me to serve in this ministry. At that time, I rejected her without a thought, as I did not want to face up to my own emotional problems. I prayed to the Lord to forgive me. I believed that He understood my pain and sorrow. Frankly, I love children and cannot help but try to amuse them and make them happy whenever I am in their company. However over that period of time, I found myself avoiding well-meaning mothers who would often ask me, “Since you are so fond of children, why don’t you have one quickly?” Their innocent words meant well but to me, they were like daggers thrusting through my heart! I could only respond with a pretentious smile or I simply avoided their questions, as they were not aware of my predicament. Gradually, I became frightened of crowds, especially during festive occasions, and I was even fearful of encountering pregnant women! It is difficult for one to fully understand the trials and distress of a barren woman. When faced with social pressure, the couple may inevitably succumb to the stress, impatience, anxiety, and self-pity; they may even isolate themselves from people. From depths of despair came a consolation that could only be found in the Lord.

As infertility loomed large in my marriage for nearly 15 years, I became increasingly anxious and gloomy; gradually I lost faith in God. Thanks be to God, I was greatly encouraged through the expository preaching on the first two chapters of 1 Samuel during the Breaking of Bread Service one Sunday. First Samuel 1:12 reads, “As she kept on praying to the LORD…”, I saw how Hannah had total faith in the LORD, and consequently in verse 18 “…she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.” Confronted with Hannah’s prayer and her faithful waiting upon God's will, I felt so ashamed of myself that I wept. I suddenly realised that the LORD of hosts was in control of everything, just like in verse 5, “… and the LORD had closed her womb”, and verses 19-20, "...Elkanah lay with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, ‘Because I asked the LORD for him’ ”. I asked God to forgive me for my lack of faith in Him and decided to place my trust wholeheartedly in Him. Even if the LORD were to withhold a child from me, I shall obey and submit to His will. From 1 Samuel 15:22, “But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”

How amazing! Ever since the LORD helped me to fully trust in Him, casting all my burdens on Him, I felt much relieved! It was as if the fog had lifted, and I no longer had any doubt, worry, lament or fear; surely nothing would go wrong in His hands. Proverbs 29:25 is a good reminder for me: “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe."

Over the years I had been fearful of my mother-in-law’s constant questionings, and was disheartened to see her praying to different idols in hope that her wish for a grandchild would come true. She had high hopes in me to produce two grandsons and two granddaughters for her, but seeing that I had passed the 40-year-old mark, she soon caved in to panic and frustration. She even attempted to adopt a baby boy for us. Under such great pressure, I was close to losing my mind, but thanks be to God for His protection in constantly hiding me under the shadow of His wings, giving me rest in His peace and supporting me with His everlasting arms.

His grace is indeed sufficient for me. On one occasion, my mother-in-law in frustration, questioned me harshly, "Why doesn’t your God help you? Do you still think He is able to give you a child?” I was lost for words and could only smile back in response. Soon after, I realised that a faithful sister-in-Christ who was full of love, had been quietly praying for us. On one particular Prayer Day, she insisted on interceding to God on our behalf for a child. I was grateful for her love and concern, and thanked God for her great faith. She had since returned to be with the Lord. I believe she prayed for many needy brothers- and sisters-in-Christ. Her life was indeed worthy of admiration and emulation.

In order to pursue my heart’s desire for a child, I had consulted several obstetricians and gynaecologists for almost 10 years. However, the last doctor we consulted persuaded us not to try any further on medical grounds and at the same time, I was willing to submit to God's will, and so we decided that it was time to give up further fertility treatments. If it is God’s will that we do not have a child, it is well with my soul, and we did not dare to expect anything more.

I thank God for answering my prayers in His time and according to His will. At the age of forty-two when other women are past childbearing age, God remembered me and granted me a pregnancy beyond our expectation! On hindsight, God’s plan for us is surely the best. Sometimes we wonder why God gave us this gift so late in life. The answer is given in Isaiah 48:10-11: “See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another.” We begin to understand that because He is the almighty God who acts according to His will, all that He has accomplished is to glorify His Holy name. May we give all glory and praise to the LORD most High! What God has done for us, finally convinced my mother-in-law that the God we believe is a faithful God for she finally said, "Yes, this child is sent by your God!”

As a reminder to us to constantly give praise to God’s grace, we have named our daughter Yong Hui, which means “singing praises to God’s grace”. After sending her to the church nursery, I have been able to help out in this ministry. In a twinkling of an eye, 18 years have passed and I am having fun-filled times with fond memories of numerous children who passed through the nursery and were promoted to the junior and senior Sunday school. Praise the Lord! He gives me the privilege to be a ‘happy mother of children’.

 

Lim Pui Sang
- Pui Sang is a member of the ‘Fisherman of Christ’ Fellowship. This article was translated from the original written in Chinese.